God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
The Serenity Prayer
In the world of stress and fear, much can be handled by that first line. Not much is really in our control. You can give yourself permission to let go. Not easy, but necessary. Keep repeating.
With the murder of George Floyd though, it’s not so easy. Let’s engage the second line – the courage to change the things I can.
How has my racism contributed to the incessant killing of black people by whites?
“But I’m not racist.” We all plead.
The 12 Steps of AA
So, I’m looking at this like an alcoholic looks at their drinking.
They ALL say, “But I’m not an alcoholic. I can stop anytime I want.”
“Denial is more than a river in Egypt.”
Therapists created interventions designed to break through this denial.
So, I’m in the process of diving into the possibility that I am a racist, moving past my denial.
Step One of the 12 Steps say, “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable.”
Jonathan Capehart, one of my favorite writers at the Washington Post wrote this column recently – Dear white people, please read ‘White Fragility’. His article moved me. Read it.
I am going to read the book as he requests. I don’t expect it to be easy. Breaking through denial is hard, painful work. You will get a payoff of a life you love.
The subtitle, Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk about Racism, means that we’re not alone in our denial. I find that oddly comforting, that is after I get rid of my denial. Note: The author, Robin DiAngelo, is white, so she knows of what she speaks. She knows how difficult it can be to move through this.
You can get ‘White Fragility’ at Amazon. It’s worth noting, that Amazon is out of stock and out of stock of the books below. Everyone wants to wake up. The Kindle version is available of course.
Clearly, getting into alcoholism recovery is inconvenient and massively uncomfortable. This will be too.
Suck it up.
How Is Your Life Unmanageable?
For most alcoholics it takes quite a bit to recognize finally that their lives are unmanageable – DUI arrests, loss of jobs, loss of marriages, bankruptcy, etc might be required for them to admit their lives are unmanageable.
For racists, will we let ourselves be distracted again and move on to other things like finding a job in the pandemic? Or will we keep doing the hard work?
Don’t go to sleep.
Ask, “If not me, who? If not now, when?”
More Resources
I turn to Life Coach, Martha Beck, for help often. She is diving into these challenging ideas as well.
She says,
I don’t know what it’s like to live in fear every day because of the color of my skin. I don’t know what it’s like to absorb so many wrongs, cope with so much unfairness and brutality. I’ve tried to imagine, but I can’t know.
That’s why, as horrific as the most recent atrocities and murders in this country have been, I’m glad they’re getting attention. Because I want to learn. I want to root out my own unconscious racism and shake off the blinders of privilege. I want to use this moment as an opportunity to do better. Much better.
Here are resources she suggests… I haven’t read any of them yet.
“Today I’m reading Between the World and Me, by Ta-Nehisi Coates. It’s the author’s open letter to his 15-year-old son about the realities of being Black in America.”
She likes ‘White Fragility’ too.
Me and White Supremacy: Combat Racism, Change the World, and Become a Good Ancestor by Layla F. Saad
The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness by Michelle Alexander
Martha lists these places you can donate
- Minnesota Freedom Fund
- Reclaim the Block
- Black Visions
- National Bail Fund
Use this constantly updated and specific list for ways you can take actions –
“75 Things White People Can Do for Racial Justice”.
And watch this excellent and intense John Oliver YouTube explaining defunding the police.
May you walk in peace and beauty,
William
